Tuesday, July 27, 2010

For a closeted teen trying to meet guys online what advice would you give?

Here is the thing I am currently closeted (I have my reasons) and I trying using Myspace and Facebook to meet cute guys online the only problems is that once i get a promising nice guy I loose my nerve and either block them or refuse to answer their emails. It like I know I should get with someone once before college (because being single is driving me crazy... and because I need some self confidence in this department) but every time someone makes me an offer (even at school) I become too skittish and cant go through with it (which is unusual for me cause I am a very outgoing person... when it doesn't come to my sexuality). I just do not know what to-do, even when the opportunity opens for me to get with someone I scurry away. It is as if the guy has to be like right down the street from me and approach me. So my question is what do I do when I am presented with an opportunity and I scurry away, how do I convince myself (cause what I am trying isn't working)? PLEASE HELPFor a closeted teen trying to meet guys online what advice would you give?
As far as meeting someone online...you have no idea who you're actually communicating with. It could even be more than one person...like a gang. My recommendation would be...DON'T meet anyone from online. You would be much better off meeting with someone you already know...and, know that they're interested in what you are interested. Your hesitancy suggests to me that you're not ready...or else you wouldn't be scurrying away. If you're not careful you will become a 'tease'...and once you get labeled with that, you won't know who really is interested. They will guess that you're going to stand them up...so they stand you up instead. At this point I would suggest you wait till you're away at college, where you will have your own room and freedom to do as you like.For a closeted teen trying to meet guys online what advice would you give?
i don't think online is the answer hun,especially given your 'skittish' ways its way too easy to bottle out (its way to easy to be fed a line too) build on your self esteem and try at school or other social places you go.
The nerves will leave you eventually. I would suggest joining an LGB group at college and do not set time scales for yourself to have done certain things. You will find it easier to meet people at a group in a different context as opposed to going on a date where you may have a particular expectation that something will or will not happen. It will happen for you in due course.
The internet is not an option to meeting a nice guy.


You don't know who you'r ACTUALLY talking to. Always remember that. I have to remind myself sometimes.


I think you need to go out and about with friends in school and maybe you'll see someone - what about the guy who appraoched you in 'school' - I mean he must like you. Perhaps just start chatting with him .... go on a few 'dates' ... maybe you'll get to like him.


But I completely understand your position - you can sometimes be a bit lonely.


Anyway...best regards
You will no when the time is right,,,its no bad thing being cautious,,,Good Luck,,,,
I'd recommend meeting others for friendship first, so that you're not pressuring yourself too much. It could also work out that other people, ie. new friends, will know others that they could introduce you to. This would relieve you from potential Internet site dating threats, where no-one would know who you were meeting up with, as you're not out to anyone. Dating can sometimes be something to cause anxiety, so you're not alone.





I don't know how old you are, so also pay attention to legal issues for yourself and others.





Just be cautious - which I think is what you've revealed you're being. And don't feel the need to rush into anything sexual. It's probably going to be good for you to have gay/bi friends, as well as just a partner, so you could work on friendships, until you're nearer 100% ccommitted to meeting for dating. And have safer sex, whenever you do choose the right person.





There are interest groups, for gay and bi people, where you could participate in sports, outdoors pursuits etc, where the emphasis is safer, as you're not isolated. These typically are social groups, and there's less pressure: as you're a generally self-confident person, you'll probably be great company and will enjoy a social environment. Let me know if you'd like any ideas on these.





Good luck! Rob
Be careful, thats my advice.
I wouldn't go for meeting guys online, it's very difficult to really get to know someone online, you can never know when they are lying or not. However you say that you're getting offers from school to so why do you have to meet people online. Ofcourse if you don't know many gay people then the net could be the way for you to go at the moment.





I think the reason you don't have much confidence is because you're insecure about your sexuality and what people will think of you. Or it could just be you don't actual like the boys that are into you, maybe you want someone better.
Wait till college. Online is not a good way to go, especially at your young age.
A little caution is not a bad thing. You can't always be sure of the truth online. At school where you know the person and can see that they are real might be a better choice than connecting online.





You'll want to take it slow.





Sounds like you want to date before college - that's fine but you can be clear from the start (in your own mind and with the other person) that you want to take it slow. Online dating can be scary.
be very very careful
It sounds like to me you just need to chill out a bit...





Find someone nice first and then see where it goes.. if they try and have sex just tell them you want to know them better ect.





You will meet some many nice guys at college and life will seem MUCH better, you will no doubt find a nice lover as well...





Just be careful about meeting guys online, make sure you meet them first somewhere public with lots of people around and if you can tell a mate where your going and who your meeting. (I know your not out but you might have told a close mate)
You should look to Christ for strength before you damn your soul to hell. Being a homosexual is not a sin, lying with another man is. Before you take the devastating step of being with another man, seek the Lord for the strength to overcome your sinful desires.

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